Life is not steady by any means – there are things we know will go wrong and other things that come out of nowhere – it is critical to be prepared for both so that neither rocks our world so much that it knocks us off our axis.
And while life is inherently unstable, there are many things we can do to maintain a sense of stability, including prevention and avoidance, as well as making decisions that take an honest look at the world, the future, and the situation we are about to enter, whether it is marriage, children, work, or play.
If we take marriage as an example, we can see that many people marry without really thinking through the consequences of their actions; they may marry an ill-tempered man or a woman who drinks excessively; the world can see that the ill-temper will turn to violence or the drinking will turn into alcoholism, both of which end in instability and both of which rock the world of the individuals involved; yet, if the decision to marry these people had been properly thought out,
When we look at children and the people who breed them, we can see who should and should not be parents; however, in the majority of cases, couples breed for the immediate gratification of childbirth, the glory of parenthood, and the legacy they believe they deserve, the ego boost it provides, without taking into account the 24 hour a day child care responsibility and a lifetime of financial support and emotional maneuvering that a new life will inevitably involve.
When it comes to working, we are almost at the opposite end of the spectrum, where people take a job to provide stability, only to be saddled with a life of mundane predictability and responsibility that kills their spirit, disables their talents, and eventually destroys their entire existence, driving them to drink, boredom, and a life of regret. In this situation, the individual’s right to freedom and pleasure is completely destroyed by a need for stability (caused by taking on too much responsibility in the shape of spouses, children, houses, automobiles, and goods).
In terms of play, we arrive at an unsatisfactory medium of fulfillment that leads to instability: the thrill of a purchase followed by debt, interest rates, and eventually the over-stocking of life to the point of saturation and even bankruptcy. This is a classic example of not thinking things through, of believing the hype and assuming that when it comes to paying day when it comes to closing the debts, the money will magically appear, and the buying whim will be justified… of course, this is never the case, and the irresponsibility always catches us out and leaves us feeling insecure.
But there are techniques to overcome this insecurity, which are not difficult. The first and most obvious is accepting that the financial pressures of life are constant, that finances are the source of many marital squabbles, that finances place enormous pressure on us when it comes to children, and that working for money buys more useless things is ridiculous, and that buying useless things that we cannot afford is sheer stupidity.
Marriage is a life-long commitment that few (if any) of us can uphold as intended on the day of reckoning. We understand that life changes, that people are fickle, and that events are unpredictable, but we make promises that we only hope to fulfill (since we will never know), and then we are plagued with guilt, shame, and instability when those promises are shattered. Marriage is a weak person’s stability, and statistics show that the stability is frequently lost with the drop of a pair of trousers. If you can’t exist alone, don’t get married since marriage and divorce will just exacerbate your instabilities and fears.
Children are a burden that we have no understanding of until we are confronted with birth, screaming, demanding, and feeding on a minute-by-minute basis; and while childbirth is something that women instinctively desire, it is something that far too many women do for the wrong reasons, without considering their own character, their support system, or the father of the child; far too often, women have children out of a need for unconditional love or control of a matriarch. If you are going to breed, be sure you have considered the worst-case situation so you can retain a level head if that event occurs. Do not rush into bringing another person into this world if you lack the character, money, or support structure necessary to preserve your feeling of stability.
It is better to have fewer things but do something you love than to have everything but hate going to work every day; it is better to be realistic about who you are to have a job that offers fulfillment and achievement, not just a desk and a pension. Take things gently, be kind to yourself, and do what you love. You will radiate pleasure and confidence, which is the core of living a wonderful life.
Buying new things is fun, but filling your life with too much stuff is pointless; life should be a process of elimination, not accumulation; eliminate the stress, eliminate the desperation to prove yourself to others; live for yourself, buy what you need, enjoy and use what you have, keep life simple, and you will be able to live free of debt, worry, and, most importantly, instability.
We can live a stable existence if we look forward if we are honest about who we are and who we interact with, where we live, and what we do; stability is precious, as is freedom; aim for these things and reduce the concern that so many others have to cope with. I frequently discuss balance and discipline; these two words ensure a stable life and allow us to live more easily and comfortably; if we learn to live with discipline, we create a solid foundation upon which to live with abandon and freedom when we so desire; we learn to enjoy the good times without fear of the consequences, and in this way, we find a life of stability.